As UX consultants, we analyze products to understand why they succeed or fail. Today, we're examining one of the most personal—and broken—digital experiences in modern life: dating apps.
The data is damning: dating apps have a Net Promoter Score of -45. For context, that's catastrophic. Meanwhile, adult content platforms score +45. What does it tell us when the platforms designed to help people find meaningful relationships perform worse than those designed for temporary satisfaction?
This isn't just about one industry's struggles. It's a case study in what happens when product strategy prioritizes engagement metrics over user success—and why companies need UX design agencies that will ask the uncomfortable questions before launch, not after failure.
Twenty years ago, Match.com and eHarmony dominated online dating. These weren't perfect platforms, but they succeeded at their core mission: helping people find partners and leave the platform.
The model was simple:
Success meant users leaving. Revenue came from subscriptions during the search period, not from endless engagement loops. The business model aligned with user goals.
As product design consultants, we call this "purpose-driven design"—when the product's success metrics match what users actually want to accomplish.
Fast forward to 2025, and the landscape is unrecognizable. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and others have transformed dating from a purposeful search into an addictive game that nobody wins.
The defining feature of modern dating apps—swiping left or right—represents everything wrong with current design thinking.
What it does to users:
UX design agencies across the country should be asking: Why are we still using a mechanic from 1999 that makes users feel terrible?
Research shows that repeatedly rejecting people—even strangers—negatively impacts well-being. Swiping left isn't a neutral action; it's a micro-aggression against yourself and others that compounds over time.
Yet every new dating app copies this pattern because it drives engagement metrics. It keeps users scrolling, swiping, hoping. It's addictive. But addiction isn't the same as satisfaction.
Here's the uncomfortable truth that UX consulting firms need to surface: dating apps make money when users fail to find relationships.
The perverse incentive structure:
Compare this to adult content platforms that score +45 NPS:
Dating apps have engineered the opposite: user failure equals business success. No amount of clever UX design can fix fundamentally misaligned incentives.
This is exactly the type of strategic problem that fractional design officers and senior UX leaders should flag during product planning—not after millions of users have been burned out.
80% of Gen Z users report burnout from dating apps. Let that sink in. The generation that grew up with these tools—the supposed "native users"—are exhausted by them.
The user base declined 16% recently. People aren't just complaining; they're leaving. They're deleting apps. They're choosing loneliness over the psychological toll of endless rejection and false hope.
As UX consultants working with startups and established companies alike, we see this pattern repeatedly: when engagement metrics become the goal rather than the means, user satisfaction craters.
The data shows stark differences in user experience:
This disparity suggests the platforms optimize for one demographic's engagement while neglecting the safety and satisfaction of others.
Design agencies conducting proper user research would identify and address these disparities before launch. Instead, we see them perpetuated and even amplified by algorithm optimization focused purely on engagement.
More than half of users encounter fake profiles. Fifty-five percent.
Think about that from a trust perspective. Imagine if 55% of the products on Amazon were counterfeit, or 55% of Uber drivers were imposters. The platform would be unusable.
Yet dating apps—where users are at their most vulnerable, seeking intimate connections—allow this level of fraud to persist.
UX design agencies know that trust is the foundation of any platform involving personal safety. When trust erodes, no amount of engagement optimization can save the product.
Beyond static fake profiles, we're now seeing explosive growth in AI-generated deep fakes on dating platforms. Users don't just face outdated photos; they encounter entirely fabricated people powered by AI.
Some platforms have implemented verification features:
These are steps in the right direction, but they're reactive solutions to problems that should have been anticipated during initial design.
Product design consultants conducting proper threat modeling would have identified these attack vectors years ago and built prevention into the product architecture from day one.
We're hearing stories from users across demographics that reveal a troubling pattern:
The matching algorithms don't work. Even Hinge, which markets itself as relationship-focused and uses detailed questionnaires to assess compatibility, produces mismatches.
Users go on first dates—really just meetings with strangers—and discover no chemistry, no compatibility, no basis for connection. The AI matching that's supposed to be the platform's secret sauce turns out to be closer to random selection.
Second dates become rare. Long-term relationships rarer still. The apps that promise to help people find love instead deliver an endless cycle of disappointing encounters.
As UX consultants, we constantly emphasize the importance of validating assumptions through user testing. Are these matching algorithms actually tested against user satisfaction? Are false positive rates measured and minimized? Or are they optimized purely for engagement?
During Covid lockdowns, dating app usage spiked. So did usage of pornography and adult content platforms. The data tells a clear story: people were desperately lonely and seeking connection.
But dating apps failed to deliver that connection. Despite record engagement, user satisfaction plummeted further. More usage didn't equal more success.
This reveals a fundamental truth that UX design agencies must help clients understand: engagement is not the same as value. Addiction is not satisfaction. Time-on-platform doesn't equal user success.
We also know from research—studies of orphanages in Romania and countless other sources—that humans require physical proximity and connection. We need touch, presence, cortisol reduction through oxytocin and serotonin. These are biological imperatives.
Dating apps can facilitate initial connections, but they've become obstacles to real-world meetings rather than bridges to them. The endless swiping substitutes for actual dates. The dopamine hits from matches replace the satisfaction of real conversations.
80% of Gen Z users report burnout from dating apps. Let that sink in. The generation that grew up with these tools—the supposed "native users"—are exhausted by them.
The user base declined 16% recently. People aren't just complaining; they're leaving. They're deleting apps. They're choosing loneliness over the psychological toll of endless rejection and false hope.
As UX consultants working with startups and established companies alike, we see this pattern repeatedly: when engagement metrics become the goal rather than the means, user satisfaction craters.
The data shows stark differences in user experience:
This disparity suggests the platforms optimize for one demographic's engagement while neglecting the safety and satisfaction of others.
Design agencies conducting proper user research would identify and address these disparities before launch. Instead, we see them perpetuated and even amplified by algorithm optimization focused purely on engagement.
More than half of users encounter fake profiles. Fifty-five percent.
Think about that from a trust perspective. Imagine if 55% of the products on Amazon were counterfeit, or 55% of Uber drivers were imposters. The platform would be unusable.
Yet dating apps—where users are at their most vulnerable, seeking intimate connections—allow this level of fraud to persist.
UX design agencies know that trust is the foundation of any platform involving personal safety. When trust erodes, no amount of engagement optimization can save the product.
Beyond static fake profiles, we're now seeing explosive growth in AI-generated deep fakes on dating platforms. Users don't just face outdated photos; they encounter entirely fabricated people powered by AI.
Some platforms have implemented verification features:
These are steps in the right direction, but they're reactive solutions to problems that should have been anticipated during initial design.
Product design consultants conducting proper threat modeling would have identified these attack vectors years ago and built prevention into the product architecture from day one.
We're hearing stories from users across demographics that reveal a troubling pattern:
The matching algorithms don't work. Even Hinge, which markets itself as relationship-focused and uses detailed questionnaires to assess compatibility, produces mismatches.
Users go on first dates—really just meetings with strangers—and discover no chemistry, no compatibility, no basis for connection. The AI matching that's supposed to be the platform's secret sauce turns out to be closer to random selection.
Second dates become rare. Long-term relationships rarer still. The apps that promise to help people find love instead deliver an endless cycle of disappointing encounters.
As UX consultants, we constantly emphasize the importance of validating assumptions through user testing. Are these matching algorithms actually tested against user satisfaction? Are false positive rates measured and minimized? Or are they optimized purely for engagement?
During Covid lockdowns, dating app usage spiked. So did usage of pornography and adult content platforms. The data tells a clear story: people were desperately lonely and seeking connection.
But dating apps failed to deliver that connection. Despite record engagement, user satisfaction plummeted further. More usage didn't equal more success.
This reveals a fundamental truth that UX design agencies must help clients understand: engagement is not the same as value. Addiction is not satisfaction. Time-on-platform doesn't equal user success.
We also know from research—studies of orphanages in Romania and countless other sources—that humans require physical proximity and connection. We need touch, presence, cortisol reduction through oxytocin and serotonin. These are biological imperatives.
Dating apps can facilitate initial connections, but they've become obstacles to real-world meetings rather than bridges to them. The endless swiping substitutes for actual dates. The dopamine hits from matches replace the satisfaction of real conversations.
As fractional UX experts and strategic consultants, here's what we'd recommend to any dating platform serious about user success:
Replace dehumanizing instant rejection with thoughtful interaction:
Alternative interaction models:
The swipe mechanic optimizes for speed and volume. Relationships require neither. They require thoughtfulness and compatibility.
Radical idea: Make money when users succeed, not when they fail.
Possible models:
The LGBTQ+ dating apps scoring 7.8/10 satisfaction have figured something out. Study what they're doing right and apply those lessons broadly.
UX consulting firms help companies identify sustainable business models that align with user needs rather than exploit user vulnerabilities.
Here's a transformative idea that design agencies could help implement: expand the purpose of dating apps beyond matching.
Educational features to add:
Think about it: if users become better partners, they'll have more successful relationships. Happy couples create word-of-mouth marketing worth far more than any engagement metric.
The abundance mindset: One successful relationship that spreads through a social network is worth far more than thousands of frustrated users churning through your app.
Learn from the Roblox debacle we discussed in our previous analysis. Don't wait for catastrophe to implement safety features.
Comprehensive safety framework:
Product design consultants know that safety isn't a feature you add later—it's a foundation you build on.
Stop optimizing for time-on-app. Start optimizing for successful first dates.
Metrics that actually matter:
UX design agencies working with startups know: the metrics you optimize for determine the product you build. Choose metrics that reflect real user success.
Run unmoderated research sessions. Give users screen recording software and observe their natural behavior throughout a day.
We'd bet significant money you'd see:
This qualitative data would validate the quantitative metrics showing user dissatisfaction. But more importantly, it would reveal specific pain points you could address.
UX consulting firms across the country make ethnographic research standard practice because watching real users reveals truths that analytics dashboards never show.
Facebook seemed positioned to dominate dating. They had:
They launched Facebook Dating. It went nowhere.
Why? Because Facebook destroyed user trust through:
The lesson: trust is the most critical asset for dating platforms. Once lost, it's nearly impossible to rebuild.
Dating apps should be your wing person—your trusted friend helping you navigate romantic possibilities. They should protect your secrets, prioritize your safety, and celebrate your success even when it means you leave their platform.
UX consultants help establish this trust through:
Despite all this criticism, we see enormous opportunity. The current dating app landscape is so broken that a well-designed alternative could capture significant market share.
What the market needs:
Current apps feel designed by and for people under 25. But dating needs span all ages:
Each demographic has unique needs, concerns, and approaches to dating. One-size-fits-all swiping doesn't serve any of them well.
Partner with relationship therapists and conflict resolution experts to build educational content into the platform.
Imagine:
This transforms the app from a matching service into a relationship development platform.
What if dating apps learned from adult content platforms' success by incorporating creator elements?
Possible features:
This creates multiple revenue streams while providing genuine value beyond matching.
Dating apps tried to gamify with swipes. That's not gamification—that's just making rejection into a casino game.
Real gamification would:
UX design agencies specializing in behavioral design could create compelling experiences that actually support user goals rather than exploit vulnerabilities.
As fractional UX experts and strategic consultants, here's what we'd recommend to any dating platform serious about user success:
Replace dehumanizing instant rejection with thoughtful interaction:
Alternative interaction models:
The swipe mechanic optimizes for speed and volume. Relationships require neither. They require thoughtfulness and compatibility.
Radical idea: Make money when users succeed, not when they fail.
Possible models:
The LGBTQ+ dating apps scoring 7.8/10 satisfaction have figured something out. Study what they're doing right and apply those lessons broadly.
UX consulting firms help companies identify sustainable business models that align with user needs rather than exploit user vulnerabilities.
Here's a transformative idea that design agencies could help implement: expand the purpose of dating apps beyond matching.
Educational features to add:
Think about it: if users become better partners, they'll have more successful relationships. Happy couples create word-of-mouth marketing worth far more than any engagement metric.
The abundance mindset: One successful relationship that spreads through a social network is worth far more than thousands of frustrated users churning through your app.
Learn from the Roblox debacle we discussed in our previous analysis. Don't wait for catastrophe to implement safety features.
Comprehensive safety framework:
Product design consultants know that safety isn't a feature you add later—it's a foundation you build on.
Stop optimizing for time-on-app. Start optimizing for successful first dates.
Metrics that actually matter:
UX design agencies working with startups know: the metrics you optimize for determine the product you build. Choose metrics that reflect real user success.
Run unmoderated research sessions. Give users screen recording software and observe their natural behavior throughout a day.
We'd bet significant money you'd see:
This qualitative data would validate the quantitative metrics showing user dissatisfaction. But more importantly, it would reveal specific pain points you could address.
UX consulting firms across the country make ethnographic research standard practice because watching real users reveals truths that analytics dashboards never show.
Facebook seemed positioned to dominate dating. They had:
They launched Facebook Dating. It went nowhere.
Why? Because Facebook destroyed user trust through:
The lesson: trust is the most critical asset for dating platforms. Once lost, it's nearly impossible to rebuild.
Dating apps should be your wing person—your trusted friend helping you navigate romantic possibilities. They should protect your secrets, prioritize your safety, and celebrate your success even when it means you leave their platform.
UX consultants help establish this trust through:
Despite all this criticism, we see enormous opportunity. The current dating app landscape is so broken that a well-designed alternative could capture significant market share.
What the market needs:
Current apps feel designed by and for people under 25. But dating needs span all ages:
Each demographic has unique needs, concerns, and approaches to dating. One-size-fits-all swiping doesn't serve any of them well.
Partner with relationship therapists and conflict resolution experts to build educational content into the platform.
Imagine:
This transforms the app from a matching service into a relationship development platform.
What if dating apps learned from adult content platforms' success by incorporating creator elements?
Possible features:
This creates multiple revenue streams while providing genuine value beyond matching.
Dating apps tried to gamify with swipes. That's not gamification—that's just making rejection into a casino game.
Real gamification would:
UX design agencies specializing in behavioral design could create compelling experiences that actually support user goals rather than exploit vulnerabilities.
Since he personally has no time or social media experience to curate an online presence for it, EVE has helped to start the foundation for an online following onInstagram and Facebook to reach customers Faraj would previously have missed out on.
It is important to recognize that social media marketing is becoming the new norm. While the start up of a social media strategy can be overwhelming, it doesn’t have to be.
While you focus on your passion of running your business, EVE is here to focus on our passion of helping you navigate the social media world and digital business.
Since he personally has no time or social media experience to curate an online presence for it, EVE has helped to start the foundation for an online following onInstagram and Facebook to reach customers Faraj would previously have missed out on.
It is important to recognize that social media marketing is becoming the new norm. While the start up of a social media strategy can be overwhelming, it doesn’t have to be.
While you focus on your passion of running your business, EVE is here to focus on our passion of helping you navigate the social media world and digital business.
There's a troubling statistic: many young people have never asked someone out in person. They've only experienced rejection and acceptance through apps.
We talked about being grateful we "messed up before social media." There's profound truth in that. Learning social skills requires trial and error, awkwardness, mistakes made and recovered from.
But there's a darker side to that nostalgia: the people we dated were laboratories for our mistakes. They experienced our fumbling, our poor communication, our immaturity. That wasn't always fair to them either.
The educational opportunity: What if dating apps helped users develop social skills before throwing them into high-stakes romantic situations?
This is where therapeutic integration and educational content become crucial. Help users develop:
These aren't "nice-to-have" features. They're essential infrastructure for a generation learning social interaction through screens.
Every point we've raised requires strategic product thinking, not just interface design:
This is why companies need fractional design officers and UX consulting firms that operate at the strategic level.
We don't just make things look nice. We challenge fundamental assumptions. We ask:
These conversations happen in C-suites, not design reviews. They require product strategy, not pixel-pushing.
Every dating app seems to follow the same playbook:
UX consultants see this conformity trap across industries. Companies abandon what makes them unique to chase competitors' apparent success.
But competitors' apparent success often masks underlying problems. Just because everyone else's dating app has -45 NPS doesn't mean yours should too.
Product design consultants help companies:
We'll make a prediction: most current dating apps won't exist in their current form ten years from now.
Why they'll fail:
What will replace them:
The company that figures this out will dominate. The companies that continue optimizing for engagement metrics will dissolve into irrelevance.
When UX design agencies take on dating app projects, here's our process:
This process takes months, not weeks. It requires investment. But it's far cheaper than building a platform that achieves -45 NPS and watching your user base abandon you.
Throughout this analysis, we've touched on a broader issue plaguing Silicon Valley and tech companies generally: scarcity mindset.
The scarcity mindset in dating apps:
The abundance mindset alternative:
UX consulting firms help leadership shift from scarcity to abundance thinking. We show how serving users actually serves business goals over the long term.
Whether you're a startup founder, a PM laid off from Big Tech, or an established company trying to pivot, here's our advice:
Start with purpose: What problem are you actually solving? If the answer is "we're another dating app but with [minor feature variation]," that's not enough.
Challenge assumptions: Why swipes? Why engagement metrics? Why copies what Tinder did? Question every inherited pattern.
Prioritize safety: Build it in from day one. Make it non-negotiable. Invest in human moderation and proactive protection.
Align incentives: Design business models where your success requires user success. Get creative. The subscription model isn't your only option.
Hire strategic UX: Don't just hire visual designers. Hire fractional design officers, product design consultants, and UX consultants who will challenge you and bring strategic thinking.
Test everything: Don't assume. Validate every assumption with real users. Watch them use your product in real contexts.
Build for humans: Remember that every profile represents a real person seeking connection, vulnerability, hope. Treat them accordingly.
If you're working on a dating platform—or any product where user wellbeing is at stake—we want to talk to you.
Between us, we bring 35-40 years of combined UX experience across:
We know how to:
This is the perfect time to build something better. The incumbents are failing. Users are desperate for alternatives. The market is wide open for platforms that actually serve user needs.
If you're a PM looking to assemble a team, if you're a founder with a vision, if you're an established company ready to pivot—reach out. Let's build the Yankees of dating platforms and create something that actually works.
At its core, this isn't really about dating apps. It's about whether we're going to build digital spaces that honor human dignity or exploit human vulnerabilities.
Dating apps have the privilege of facilitating one of the most profound human experiences: finding intimate connection. That privilege comes with enormous responsibility.
When platforms optimize for engagement over wellbeing, when they profit from user failure, when they treat human beings as metrics to be manipulated—they betray that responsibility.
We can do better. We must do better.
That starts with bringing UX design agencies and strategic consultants into product decisions from the beginning. It requires listening to users over investors. It demands courage to build differently than competitors.
The reward isn't just better NPS scores or reduced churn. It's creating real value in people's lives. It's facilitating meaningful connections. It's helping people develop into better partners and find genuine happiness.
That's what product design should accomplish. That's why UX consultants everywhere do this work.
We believe in building products that serve human flourishing, not just corporate profits. We believe design strategy can transform broken experiences into valuable ones.
And we believe the dating app industry is overdue for that transformation.
Ready to build a dating platform that actually works? As strategic product design consultants, we help companies reimagine digital experiences to serve user needs and business goals simultaneously.
Whether you're launching something new or fixing something broken, we bring the research, strategy, and design expertise to create products people actually love using.
Looking for a UX design agency that challenges assumptions and delivers real results? Let's talk about transforming user frustration into satisfaction—and building products that change lives instead of exploiting them.
This article is based on content from the UX MURDER MYSTERY podcast.
HOSTED BY: Brian J. Crowley & Eve Eden
EDITED BY: Kelsey Smith
INTRO ANIMATION & LOGO DESIGN: Brian J. Crowley
MUSIC BY: Nicolas Lee
A JOINT PRODUCTION OF EVE | User Experience Design Agency and CrowleyUX | Where Systems Meet Stories ©2025 Brian J. Crowley and Eve Eden
Email us at: questions@UXmurdermystery.com
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